babies were throwing up all over the place
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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