Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
