I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
