Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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