I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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