i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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