I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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