i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
