Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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