my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
