he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
