my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You dont lie about slip and slides
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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