My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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