first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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