I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
