Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
