Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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