I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
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She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
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I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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