closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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