He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
