no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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