so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
