you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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