apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
