eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
