he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
