I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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