look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
