k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
We left an ass print on the piano.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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