I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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