He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
The best revenge is premature balding
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
