everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
