Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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