THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
