i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
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