I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
