a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
love makes seman taste better
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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