go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
