i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
