yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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