I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
