We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
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If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
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Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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