there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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