I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Randomize
