wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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