I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You can't just leave with hair like that
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
