please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
As shirtless as possible
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
