Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You did what with his pubic hair?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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