Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
