My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
