im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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