Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
