why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
my shit smells like andre
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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