i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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