You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
