I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
