just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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