Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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