if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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