So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
