Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
