FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
