pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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