Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
