Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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