Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
